Sand castle discos and wet dreams.

Last night I started packing my suitcase. I dug out the globe from the back of the closet and spun it wildly like spin the bottle, trying to see where it would land and where I should move just in case Obama loses. I feel as if I am a participate on American next top model. If I don’t win this shit, I’m fucking hitting it. I’m not going to be crying into the camera talking about maybe next time. If McCain wins I am on the first flight back to Africa. I’m sure I got relatives there.

Last night I got drunk and started looking at airplane tickets. Actually the prices weren’t that bad. I could fly to Kenya for under a thousand dollars. I can go to Cape Town for $1200 and that was round trip.

Maybe I would pack a bag and head to Japan. I like the Japanese. I could get a job teaching Ebonics.

I had a horrible dream the other day. The election is driving me crazy. Some nights I wake up screaming please Sarah Palin don’t shoot me; I’m not a fucking moose. Some days I wake up thinking John McCain touched me in my private place. Some nights I wake up thinking Joe Biden is a republican under cover. Sarah Palin may say something stupid shit but she doesn’t threatening the voters if they vote for her old man the world may come to an end. Biden is such an idiot.

And then there’s suspicious voting booths. If you press Obama it logs in McCain. I don’t want to go to jail on election day for having taken my computer monitor and thrown it through a window. And then there’s that email that tells all black people to vote on November 5th. And then there’s the Bradley effect. The Bradley effect, less commonly called the Wilder effect,[1][2] is a proposed explanation for observed discrepancies between voter opinion polls and election outcomes in some US government elections where a white candidate and a non-white candidate run against each other.[3][4][5] The effect refers to a supposed tendency on the part of some voters to tell pollsters that they are undecided or likely to vote for a black candidate, and yet, on election day, vote for his or her white opponent. It was named for Tom Bradley, an African-American who lost the 1982 California governor's race despite being ahead in voter polls going into the elections.[6]

I was thinking maybe I should just vote for McCain. Every year the person I vote for on American Idol never wins. Every year my choice for Project Runway never wins. It’s like I suck at predicting reality television. So how in the hell am I supposed to pick the right presidential candidate. It’s like I’m bad mojo. I think I will enact the niggard effect. I will tell everybody I’m voting for John McCain and change my mind once I ‘m inside the voting booths. If all the Joe Plumbers think I’m voting for McCain, maybe they will vote for Obama. It’s genius.